like Manila traffic

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thank you, ljsecret

Sometimes, a picture (whether it's your own, or a total stranger's)

really is worth a thousand words.

Now that that's been said and done, time to be relatively productive

so the last 4 hours of this day save it from being a complete bust.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Not fishing

All I can say is why me. What could I have possibly done, or been, to deserve any of this? Based on past experiences, I'm really not much more than the next person. Oftentimes, I'm significantly less than many of the amazing people I know. I'm not the kind of performer who can make people laugh without saying more than two words. I'm not the girl who'll turn heads and break necks upon entering a room. I'm the girl who messes her lines up, the one who stands there dazed and speechless til she's finally saved by the bell. I'm the kid with messed-up makeup and tousled hair who looks like shitcakes in pictures she'd much rather take than be in. I am, in my own opinion, an occassional waste of time and effort..and the amount of time you've chosen to waste on me, always leaves me floored and grinning like an idiot. All I want to do, really, is try and prove to myself that I deserve the damn attention.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Eighteendom

When they say the heart of life is good, they mean that despite evil teachers and pop quizzes, there will always be Krispy Kremes and happy pictures. They mean that regardless of whether you UNOed a plate or shotgunned an esquisse, there will be stolen glances and gazes that make you blush whenever you catch them mid-stare. People don't say it outright, but basically, they're out to let you know that no matter how bleak the atmosphere or how deafening the silence may seem, there is a light out there -there are a million lights waiting to blind you and throw you right off guard but in the most amazing ways.

Life. It doesn't always go according to plan, but when you plan for things to remain dull and uneventful, you can usually count on life to spring a couple of surprises. Expect nothing, and soak in the unexpected :)

Oh and hey hey by the way, you make my day every so often. It doesn't take much to get me hit, a bottle or so will do. It doesn't take much to secure a smile, especially when it's you. Nobody, nobody, but..who? I'm not telling :)

Note to self: tumataba ka, masyado ka nang masaya :P Ugh I totally get why people equate fatness to being happy now! TOO MUCH CELEBRATING hahaha!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

At ease

It's just a day it's just another day it's just like every other day it's just like any other day it's just a birthday it's just an 18th birthday it's just a day commemorating your 18th year of life it's just another day you're alive it's just you it's just another day.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Counting those chickens

Give me something to write about, something a little more concrete than these possibilities. I know I'm being impatient, but I'm notorious for my assumptions anyway.

So tell me, are you going to be another one of those misconstrued meanings, or are you going to prove me right, for once?

This could be so damn easy and still so totally awesome.

On another note: the skinny girls always win. I want to start winning.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

You're all talk

I'm telling you now, this act we put up won't be nearly enough to sustain that nostalgic crutch we've come to lean on, if you don't get your rear in gear. There are countless possibilities to lose me to, and they're increasing exponentially as this World of mine expands. You have no idea. Trust me.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

This took a while

After all the time that's passed and all my attempts to downplay the past, I've come right back to the threshold of those very memories. I'm a little trippy like that, a little swing-back-and-forthy til I rock my own boat into the ocean, like that.

I guess that's one thing I'll always be, regardless of how many layers I peel off and put on, regardless of how many times I decide to reinvent myself. I suppose being that way, actually, is the one reason why I peel off and put on all those damn layers in the first place.

Maybe I'm back here because it finally feels alright to be back. It feels right to be back. I'm not quite so shakey on my hind legs anymore..these trips down memory lane are managable. Though, I still have to work on my bikram yoga balancing-on-one-leg poses. Freaking standing head to knee.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

What's happening?

Why're things getting so strange, so suddenly,

and why am I so surprised

when the truth is

I saw this all coming

the minute I decided to start keeping my mouth shut?

You talk but nobody hears you,

you reach out but nobody grabs hold.

You're left hanging so often

that the fear is paralyzing.

I guess I just figured that the only surefire way to stop failing

was to stop trying.

I guess I need to learn how to love unconditionally. I guess I'm scared.

I hope I'm not too late.

Or too lost.

I sort of feel like I am.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Pending

So many of us are just waiting to pounce on those second chances. Those "should've been"s and ones that got away. Sometimes it really is lovelier the second time around. More often than not, it's worth the wait.

For those who've been blessed with more than we expected, congratulations! -and thank you for giving the rest of us another ounce of hope..hope that we just might be next on the list :)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

We're related not by blood, but by life :)

To the awesome lady who welcomed me into an equally awesome family,

took care of me,

and did a job even my biological mother would've been proud of:

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY MEL :)
Goodluck with that thesis, we're both going to work our butts off today! :)
-cause I haveta make my mommy proud! :>
Congratulations in advance for "Best Thesis" ;>

Friday, March 6, 2009

Watakwa

There's still so much I want to say
but these days, time is slipping away.
With all of these Lasts, and "Thank You, Goodbye"s,
like the silly girl I am, I just break down and cry.

It's all way too sentimental
and I know that I look like a fool,
because though this place made me go MENTAL
with the stress and the work and the rules

for some reason I just can't describe,
how I'll miss every voice, every face.
Forty reasons that go beyond rhymes,
forty people I'll never replace.

So no matter how far you go
-and I know we're all going far;
I pray that you will always know
and remember that, wherever you are:

Forty sentimental people like me
who won't care if they sound just like fools
would love to go Home to good old IV-3
and spend everyday with you :)

One day more

None of it is sinking in, just yet. Well, not fully, at least. It (it, being my natural tendency to be an overly emotional idiot), has been coming and going, in the most erratic waves. All these Lasts have been throwing us up and down.

Damn you, English. Damn you and your awesomeness. Damn you and the way every lesson seemed to bring me that much closer to clarity. Damn you and the bizaare obligation I felt to aim for excellence simply because I genuinely loved the subject, the "Literary high" Mrs. Villalon talked about. Damn those Shakespeare preparations, those obsessive compulsions when it came to assignments, those sleepless nights spent rereading Les Mis and Hamlet and typing up outlines. And damn that sense of fulfillment that didn't even require that "Good job" or top score.

Economics, for living up to what highschool Social Studies lessons have ALWAYS been, for me -the most enriching, most relevant, most attention-grabbing lessons, regardless of whether or not it messed up my lines of 9 in my report card.

Damn you, Math E, for being the most unexplainable contradiction of my highschool life. Damn you for being my greatest source of pain, sadness, inadequacy -but at the same time, a haven full of the weirdest jokes and hearts full of acceptance.

El Fili, for the way I just read and read and reflect on the masterful way you were written, now, after pouring over you for the exams; the way I now regret not reciting in class or reading the assigned kabanatas when I was supposed to! The way I feel the urge to devour every single detail and scrutinize every hidden agenda, social issue, or perfectly concealed bit of humor in Rizal's masterpiece! (Damn you, Shimora Pasela, as well, for contributing to this overwhelming sense of wonder and nationalism!)

Damn you, Physics for the perseverance and hardwork I've learned to feed off. Damn you for those mind-numbing problems that forced me to shake of my senioritis inertia and actually set my brain into motion, and the way that I can't help but randomly apply your concepts to my daily life. Damn the way I keep trying to estimate the most insanely insignificant little examples of work or force or motion!

And, forgive me Lord, but damn you, CLE, for strengthening my Faith with reason. For filling in the blanks, qualifying the terms, and setting the criteria for the actualization of my otherwise mind-boggling desire to find God. For the way you made me realize the limits of my human comprehension, then proceeded to teach me how to overcome them by working with Him.

What is it about highschool that makes us turn schizophrenic; banging on the exits one minute, and clinging on for dear life, the next? They say we're about to be flung into the Real World..but for what it's worth, this was all pretty damn Real, to me.

There are whole classrooms full of people I will never see, collectively, again. There is a whole classroom that will never be the same, again -a whole building, a whole campus! There are hallways, cafeterias, benches, gymnasiums and courtyards that will never echo our laughter and tears and "Like, omg"s, ever again.

- but there are 163 hearts and minds and memories (once all that Physics data has been deleted!), that will.

And for every life we've touched in one way or another, for every bit of us that might have left an indelible mark, there will be whispers of a legacy we've lived, of a challenge we've issued, and a change we've pioneered.